We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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