careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
