dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
