just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
