nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
