I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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