Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
