she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
