We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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