my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
