after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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