some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
