Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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