i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
