I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
