roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
