Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
