I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
