i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
