evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
