RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
