yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
