I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm passing your future prison.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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