Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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