She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
