how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
