I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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