This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
