as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
