Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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