She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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