hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize