just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
