you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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