I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't turn off my feet"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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