I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
