I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
