I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
