I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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