I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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