Me too!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
