I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
