"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
