That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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