We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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