Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
