I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
