upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
