nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
