Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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