after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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