when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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