Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
