My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
where does the pee come out of this thing
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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