TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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