Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
