my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
