Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
