she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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