guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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