nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
