You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
