good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
