At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
