I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize